When you send an invitation
To a friend on some occasion
And should that friend thus be a bear
Then watch what you serve and be aware
Bears are known to be quite picky
So think a while and not too quickly
Never ever give him eggs
Or custard creams or chicken legs
A brick a day keeps wolves at bay
But bears? Now thats a different story.
Bears prefer to fix their stare
Upon a pot of honey
Oozing dripping dropping sludge
that coats their paws like sticky gloves
Now, should you have a bear to tea
you’ll see that most excitedly
It sits and waits and grinds its teeth,
A sign for you to serve roast beef
But ignore the vicious vile old rumour
that bears dont eat when in bad humour
For once I saw one guzzle down
my cote de boeuf despite his frown
If you’re unsure, then play it safe
And serve your grizzly deep fried plaice
But never let the chair he’s in
Be near a vegetarian.
Veggies two, and Vegans three,
The bear will eat them all for tea.
Late one night or early one day
Whichever it was I cannot say
I wandered home from Dublin fair
Having wandered everywhere
From Grafton Street to Beggars Bush
Broke and so not caring much
My mind thought back to a certain party
What happened there?
Would you believe it?
The party itself was in the house of a Spanish speaking water mouse
And that's not all, the suds were free and left me seeing two then three
Whilst at the bar from near not far and talking utter nonsense
The swallows drank as all of them had lost their pilot's license
The retired mule sat alone handling his vice,
like an octopus with chopsticks picking single grains of rice
At sixty-eight and fifty-five - the oldest in the room -
The newly wedded walruses were dancing with a broom
Three businessmen, a royal hen and a dog sat playing cards
The labrador made for the door when he hit the Jack of Hearts
By the fire keeping warm and waiting on the passing storm
A pigeon sat in a cowboy hat flirting with a worm
And snoring on the turkish rug were two old drunken slimy slugs
Not knowing that, from just beside them, a peacock stole their shoes to hide them
Keeping Disco still alive was three young bees fresh from the hive
Playing songs from years ago and spreading fever to and fro
A basket case was full of snakes who argued economics
To drown them out the bees played Shout, such scooby dooby antics!
To hushed amazement from the rear came a sultry doe or dear
wearing all her mothers rings with beauty like the wasp that stings
But in the corner, with a knowing stare
sat a waistcoat cladded polar bear.
Who was this beast? My only thought
I waved at him, he answered not.
I thought him rude, but then I saw
The house keys cradled in his paw.
Such strange events seemed sober then,
But now that I recall again,
In what land ruled the royal hen?
From where was this old polar bear?
The next sunrise I journeyed there,
To where we had this fun and laughter
which left me puzzled one day after.
But no house, hut or home was there
The building vanished,
The earth lay bare.
To know has come,
There's bearskins hanging on the rack,
The prize you seek is won.
Alas, what news is there to share?
The tricks and treats of one wise bear.
Us three- that's we- with cotton creations,
For buttery blokes and funky dames,
Declare this day as a furry occasion,
So click on the link,
And remember the name.